RandomPokesThe Coffeeholic ChristianSteve Dennie
My name is Steve Dennie, and I'm a coffeeholic.
It began during college, my senior year. How well I remember the cold December night when I willfully drank my first full cup of that steaming, caffeine-infested brew. It was finals week, and I found myself in a 24-hour restaurant cramming for the final exam of some course I can't recall. I had been there for many hours, reading chapter after chapter in a dry textbook and reviewing barely legible notes.
The late-night turned to early-morning. With increasing frequency, the siren song of sleep tantalized my weary mind. My eyes would blur or gradually close. I would catch myself reading the same paragraph several times and still not knowing what it said. A soft bed awaited a mere five minutes away.
But no, no, not yet. I couldn't sleep--not with several crucial chapters to go!
Many other students filled the restaurant. I noticed that they, for the most part, remained wide awake. But they had help which I, to that point, had refused. They drank coffee. Caffeine. A waitress, glass pot in hand, repeatedly circulated from booth to booth, filling the students' empty cups, providing the consciousness-sustaining liquid which, I knew, could make the difference between passing and flunking.
I had tried coffee before at the insistence of other people--blatant peer pressure--but I didn't like the stuff. But now, with a major test only hours away, I felt desperate. Taste was irrelevant; I cared only about results--specifically, staying awake. If carbonated turpentine would have done the trick, I would have ordered a case.
The waitress passed my booth. I raised my hand slightly and caught her attention.
"Would you please bring me a cup of coffee?"
A minute later, she returned with that fateful saucer and cup.
"Cream or sugar?" she asked.
"Plenty of both, please."
I dumped several packets of sugar and a healthy dose of cream into the cup and stirred it to a muddy brown. I had seen other people do this to disguise the disagreeable taste of the real thing. Then I took a sip.
More sugar and cream.
Still yuk!
Nevertheless, I definitely felt less groggy--whether from the caffeine or my agonized taste buds, I neither knew nor cared. I forced down several gulps and resumed reading. Before the cock crowed, I had consumed several cups. I didn't enjoy any of them, but I did stay away. And I passed the test.
Reminiscing about that night, I wonder, Was it worth it?
Those first cups, consumed out of pure necessity in a weak moment, opened the door to a life of habitual coffee drinking. After graduating, I began drinking coffee at work, soon learning to actually like its taste. Little did I know that I would become hooked.
Now, I begin each workday by making a pilgrimage to the Maxwell House Shrine in the breakroom. Often, I return for a second cup before the morning coffee break, at which time I pour a third. Coffee has become an intrinsic part of my daily routine.
I don't say this with sober-faced shame or remorse. Nor do I feel inclined to kick the habit. I'm simply admitting that I drink a lot of coffee--much less that most people, but still a lot. I guess that makes me an unrepentant coffeeholic.
It also makes me a good Christian. Where two or three Christians are gathered together, there is a coffeepot in the midst of them. If the government banned coffee, American churchdom and the Great Commission would suffer critical blows. Pastors wouldn't be able to prepare sermons without a coffee cup sitting atop the desk, imparting a wet brown ring to the sermon notes. Similarly, partial paralysis would strike committee meetings, home Bible study groups, church growth conferences, and all other church endeavors.
I realize that some of you, being health-conscious, feel a bit upset with me. You think I'm glorifying coffee and encouraging others to drink it. For you, my friends, let me issue an apology of sorts.
We 20th Century people consume many dastardly substances which do nasty things to our innards. I recently read a nutrition book in which the author rants and raves against any food which ever came within a hundred yards of a man-made chemical. Along the way, he condemns homogenized milk, ice cream, white bread, and all vitamin tablets.
According to scientific data, as well as that author, coffee belongs on the hit list. I admit that.
So does sugar.
That author denounced sugar as having no redeeming value. I've heard other people express the same sentiment. One Christian magazine printed some rich Christmas recipes, and an indignant reader rebuked them for advocating sugar consumption. "Next," the reader said, "you'll promote smoking and drinking!"
An acquaintance with extensive-to-obnoxious nutritional knowledge told me he used sugar in his coffee until he had a heart attack. He explained how the caffeine and sugar, in combo, do bad things to bodily functions.
Under conviction, in addition to fearing for my life, I gave up using sugar in my coffee. Believe it or not, I had been using at least two tablespoons per cup. I went cold turkey, which proved far more difficult than I anticipated. I hated coffee for two weeks. But I persisted. I knew that eventually, I'd get used to the sugar-free taste.
And I did. I no longer miss the sugar, and would probably dislike coffee if I added any.
The next time I saw my friend, I told him, "You'd be proud of me. I stopped using sugar in my coffee."
I expected hearty approval, but got none. Instead, he looked at me condescendingly and said, "That's nice. Now all you have to do is stop drinking coffee altogether."
Sugar--yes, I can do without that.
The caffeine isn't essential.
Usually, I forgo cream.
But give up the whole idea of coffee? That would require removing myself from the ranks of evangelicalism. Sorry, but a Christian has to draw the line somewhere.
Copyright 2005 Steve Dennie |
