Family Night

C. Ray Miller
Bishop, 1973-1993

May 1993

At one time, I boasted about how many consecutive nights I was out doing church work. One time, I was gone 31 consecutive nights. In addition to my normal pastoral duties, I carried the responsibilities of a conference superintendent. And in those days, superintendents still held quarterly meetings with churches in their district.

I was very busy and committed, but I had a priority problem. A little exchange with my daughter Pam, when she was a small child, helped me see the light.

One day, as I started out of the house to go visiting, Pam asked me, "Daddy, where are you going?"

I said, "Out to visit the sick."

She said, "Daddy, if I get sick, will you visit me?"

Her words forced me to evaluate the balance between my family and my ministry. About this same time, our son Denny sensed that family wasn't a priority, since I let so many other things come ahead of it.

So we made a decision: Friday night would be Family Night, and we would do our best to keep anything from interfering with it. We even announced it to the congregation. We were concerned about how they would react, since they had grown accustomed to me putting church first. But interestingly, many members followed our example by establishing their own Family Night.

If somebody called and asked if we were busy Friday night, we said, "Yes," and we never explained. Family Night was as much a priority as Wednesday being prayer meeting night. There were exceptions, of course, such as wedding rehearsals and revival meetings. But in such cases, we would try to schedule another night.

One time several years ago, when Denny was pastoring the Mt. Pleasant UB church in Chambersburg, Pa., we were in town on a Friday night.

"How about if you come to our house tonight?" he invited.

"Why?" we asked.

"Because it's Friday night--family night," he explained.

Denny was continuing as an adult what we had done when he was a child. Such things are very satisfying to a father.

I realize that times change. What worked for our us during the 1960s in Shippensburg, Pa., may not work today. One change for ministers--a good one--is that churches don't have nearly as many meetings as they used to. Commissions are handling much of the work, and pastors aren't expected to be part of everything. If I were pastoring today, I'm sure I would have more free nights.

On the other hand, children are pulled in far more directions. We used to take Denny and Pam to school at 8:00 and pick them up at 3:30. Life was simple back then.

About a year ago, when Denny and Karin were away for a week, Lanie and I kept their two children, Christy and Nate. We got a quick lesson in 1990s-era parenting.

They left for school at different times, and came home at different times. Christy had basketball practice, Nate had baseball practice. In addition, there were youth group and other church meetings. We might have them together long enough after school to get fast-food, but not long enough for a sit-down meal at home. Lanie and I never encountered anything like this as parents.

Times change. But the need for families to spend time together doesn't change. There is just a new set of problems to work around.

We still get together as a family, even though Denny and Pam now have their own families. One year, we spent five days at Camp Michindoh. Last year, we all went to DisneyWorld.

Our lives are totally different from those days back in Pennsylvania, but we still cherish our times together. Perhaps at least part of the reason we enjoy each other's company today is that we have a lot of practice. And Family Night has something to do with that.