Living a Life of Love

Ray A. Seilhamer
Bishop, 1993-2001

July 1995

I remember an insecure, backward Huntington College student from Pennsylvania who would hardly look you in the eye. But his personality changed during his sophomore year when he found a girl who loved him. He became more open, warm, and actually started to enjoy being around people. He demonstrated joy and even initiated conversation.

When we receive love, we become more loving. Love can transform a person who seems cold or indifferent, barely capable of expressing warmth and affection toward others.

The New Testament contains numerous statements on the importance of love. Over 50 times, the New Testament directly commands us to love others.

"Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...." (Eph. 5:1-2).

"As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another" (John 13: 34-35).

"The commandments...are summed up in this one rule: ÔLove your neighbor as yourself'" (Romans 13:8-10).

Unfortunately, being a Christian doesn't make you a loving Christian. It pains me to see a growing number of church divisions. Often, people make false accusations against ministers and other church members. They throw angry statements at each other like stones. They speak to each other in an unloving tone of voice. They display a lack of love through their body language, their eye contact, their words, their attitudes.

There is no place for that in the church. It must stop.

Love is a choice. Human nature tell us to retaliate, to get even, to return hurt for hurt. But we can't do that. We must pursue love.

There's a relationship between the quality of love and the quantity of growth in a church. When little or no love is present, neither is growth. Your church is supposed to be a loving community. Visitors are more loved in growing churches, and they sense it; that's why they return. Growing churches also express greater love to their communities.

Members of smaller churches often feel more loved than members of larger churches. So why don't they attract more people and grow? Partly, it's because they direct their love inward, to present members, rather than toward outsiders and visitors. This is a major problem with older congregations.

The church must nurture love. A loving community makes certain that care, compassion, and unconditional love are available to all who need it.

But it needs to start with individuals--with you. A church will become more loving when its members become more loving. Some people are hard to love, but love them we must. There are many ways to demonstrate love. You can befriend a grandparent or a grandchild. Connect with a visitor through a call or card. Listen to a person who is going through pain. Visit the lonely. Invite someone over for dinner. Give out compliments. Smile. Ask for an update on a difficulty someone is facing.

I missed an opportunity on a shuttle bus in Nashville, Tennessee. I saw a young girl who had deformed arms and walked with difficulty. Her beautiful face radiated charisma. I should have spoken, said something encouraging to her, but I didn't. I was silent when I should have spoken.

On the other hand, I did seize an opportunity on a flight to Jamaica to affirm a set of parents on the way they treated their two children. The father sat next to me with his 13-month-old son. He was patient, gentle, and affirming. I said to this couple, "Your children were excellent on this flight. I can tell you are loving parents."

Look for ways to love people. And consider the situations and relationships you're involved in right now, and whether or not you're showing a loving spirit. Respond to people in love. It can make a big difference in them, in your church...and in yourself.