The Dimensions of Forgiveness

Ray A. Seilhamer
Bishop, 1993-2001

February 1998

Forgiveness has been described as the virtue we profess to believe but fail to practice.

Forgiveness involves our relationship with persons we have offended, and also with persons who have offended us in some way. It is to say, "I don't hold anything against you." This, hopefully, will change a negative relationship into a positive relationship, replacing a barrier with a bridge over which love and communication can once again travel. In forgiving someone, we clear the person's record and transfer the responsibility for any punishment to God. Forgiveness heals relationships.

I want to look at three dimensions of forgiveness.

Divine Forgiveness

As human beings, we need God's forgiveness, because, as Romans 3:23 states, we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus, who never sinned, taught his disciples to pray, "Forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us." We have the promise of 1 John 1:9 that, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins...."

Scripture gives many examples of forgiveness. Jesus' ministry was characterized by forgiveness. "Thy sins are forgiven, go and sin no more," he told the Samaritan woman at the well. While hanging on the cross, he prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."

Until that time, God's people relied on priests to sacrifice a perfect lamb to pay the price for their sins. Christ became "the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world" (John 1:29).

Jesus paid a debt he didn't owe. That shows, as you'll find in your own relationships, that forgiveness and love are first cousins.

Human Forgiveness

Having received God's forgiveness, we are empowered to forgive each other. In fact, we are commanded to forgive each other. We are to release our negative feelings and develop a positive emotional response toward people who have offended us.

Paul, knowing the importance of forgiveness within the church body, emphasized this in some of his letters. He told the Ephesians, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (4:32). He told the Colossians, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another" (3:13).

It's inevitable that you'll need to show forgiveness. There will be people who hurt, criticize, or misuse you. The natural response is bitterness, hatred, a desire for revenge. But forgiveness recognizes that we don't have the right to be bitter and hostile--only God has the right to punish. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay," says the Lord. We are to feed our enemies, overcoming evil with good. And while God has the right to punish, it's not particularly forgiving to think, I'll forgive him, but I hope God gets him back.

In working out forgiveness, I feel it's always best to have a face-to-face confrontation. If a personal visit isn't possible, try a telephone call. The least desirable course, in my opinion, is the request for forgiveness through correspondence. In all of those situations, let prayer precede your words.

Self-Forgiveness

In counseling, I have frequently encountered people who confessed their sins and received forgiveness from God, or received forgiveness from a particular person. And yet, there is restlessness, a lack of peace. The pain remains, and the person may doubt that God has, indeed, granted forgiveness.

The problem may be that the person has refused or been unable to forgive himself.

You can be your own worst enemy. You can be more charitable to others than you are to yourself--accepting the worst in others, but punishing yourself over and over for your own failings. You need to look at yourself through the eyes of Christ. If God has forgiven you, then you need to take the same attitude. Don't trivialize the extent of God's grace. It covers the entire sin, and you don't need to keep beating yourself up about it. Let go of the past, and tell yourself, "I don't need to punish myself. Christ has taken my sin and guilt. I can now walk straight and tall. My past is covered. I am free. That is how Christ sees me, and that is how I must see myself."